First relationship advice?:

First relationship advice?

Alright so I’m 16 right now. I KNOW I’m thinking too much about things . . . that’s what bothers me. So, I pretty much feel like I wasted the past 3 years of my life. I became pretty much semi anti-social. I went through depression for some stupid reasons and all that I’d rather not get too into right now. I had no friends, didn’t communicate much with my family, and got into home school. I RARELY even got out of the house . . . I was 13, 14, 15 years old. I had so much I could have done. So many things I missed out on . . . and RECENTLY that I got out of that low-life state of mine, I’ve been trying to make up for all those things I missed out on. Hanging with friends, going to places, and being in a relationship.

Last year in August I got back into a semi-regular high school with more teens and all that good stuff . . . I got back to being the old me, the me I knew in middle school. I made friends, hung out a bit. . . basically, started living a regular life again. Eventually I ended up going out with one of my best friends. One of the guys who I got closest with. And we’ve been going out for about 5 months now (By FAR, my longest relationship). Before I started going out with him I never even had a real first kiss. And just knowing he’s been in a 3 year relationship before, kissed a bit other girls, and even fingered one on a washer, kind of . . . well . . . I don’t know. I really like him, but I guess when it comes to “experience”, I’m real competitive. I just don’t like it, at all. And although he says he’s never actually HAD S**, It still makes me feel all weird inside. I don’t like this feeling at all . . . It really doesn’t help that I wanted to find out all about his past relationships . . . .

I guess you can say it’s just that I feel I missed out, that’s all. I KNOW for a fact this wouldn’t be bothering me if I would have been in a few more relationships myself. Just the fact that HE was MY first for just about everything so far, and I haven’t been his first for anything but probably his 3rd or 5th, It’s even got so damn right ridiculous as where to I’ve thought about breaking up with him for a bit just to go f**k a random guy and then try getting back with him. I KNOW, I KNOW . . . I’m a madwoman, crazy and out of control . . . I just can’t help it. I hate it too, and I honestly think it’s as stupid as you probably do. I actually wasn’t even planning on saying anything to anyone. I figured it was just another dumb depression related thought, since I’m not at my best right now. I’m not in school again and got nothing going on. But ANYWAYS, I figured it would go away. But it really hasn’t. I’ve been feeling like this for a while. And I’m really hoping one of you out there can help me out. Maybe somebody’s got relationship advice? Perhaps one of you has been through this before? I don’t know . . . I got into this site a good while ago. So I know there’s a bit of everything on here. It’s been a while since I even logged into this email :P. Please, just someone help me feel a bit better about this. I don’t want to loose one of the best things I’ve ever had over something as stupid as feeling “un-experienced” or whatever. I trully love him, and he trully loves me. So I KNOW this has to stop. Thanks in advance.

One Response to “First relationship advice?:”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’ve kind of felt like you have but not as extreme.
    My current boyfriend was my first orally and he also took my virginity and I just felt so inadequate next to him as he’d been with someone for six years and been engaged to her which kind of bothered me because I wondered if he liked me as much as he did her and all these thought kept going through my head. There’s also an age gap of 7 years between me and my boyfriend so I also think of him as having much more experience in life in general too…

    I’m over it now though. I don’t think you should see it as a competition because if you do then he’s already won and you’ll just resent him for that. If you like him a lot then I’d just focus on that, focus on how he makes you feel and how great you are together, that should be enough to make you realize that, actually, there’s no-one else who you’d rather experience all your “firsts” with. I’m glad my first was with my current boyfriend and not my ex, at least he knew what he was doing and it wasn’t at all awkward.

    I know saying forget about it is easier than actually doing but hopefully as time goes by you will and you’ll just get wrapped up in the moment.

    Good luck with everything<br/>

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